How to Explore Your Sexuality
When people begin to explore their sexuality—solo or with a partner—the first question they often ask is: “What do I want to do?”
Do I want to get spanked? Learn tantra? Open up my relationship? Go to an orgy?
These questions aren’t wrong, but they’re often premature. They skip over something deeper, something more intimate.
Your unique sexual wiring is often revealed by asking a different question:
“What do I want to feel?”
This is where real erotic exploration begins—once you know what you want to feel emotionally, you can craft many scenarios to create those feelings.
Why Asking ‘What Do I Want to Feel?’ Unlocks Your True Erotic Desires
Categories or experiences don’t always define our erotic identities. They live in our nervous systems, our longings, our emotions.
When we begin by doing, we risk falling into performative sexuality—chasing intensity or novelty without fulfillment. But when we orient from feeling, we touch the true emotional core of our desire.
You might notice that you long to feel:
Cherished
Powerful
Surrendered
Seen
Free
Desired
Insert your own…
By identifying the feeling first, you reverse-engineer experiences that actually meet your needs. That’s the difference between surface exploration and embodied erotic alignment.
Why Understanding Your Partner’s Erotic Feelings Is Just as Important
It’s not enough to know what you want to feel—thriving intimacy is built on mutual attunement.
When you take the time to ask your partner, “What do you want to feel in intimacy?” you shift from assumption to collaboration. You create space for truth. You stop projecting your desires onto them and start learning what truly lights them up, what helps them open, what they long to experience but may never have been asked.
Your partner might want to feel adored, or free, or claimed, or safe. Those words might mean something entirely different to them than they do to you. That’s where the magic of intimacy begins—when you stop trying to guess and start listening.
This doesn’t mean becoming a perfect pleasure-giver. It means becoming a better witness. A more present lover. A more connected human.
When two people both orient from “What do we want to feel?” they stop playing roles and start co-creating experiences that are deeply nourishing, alive, and real.
Client Story: When a Man Longs to Be Ravished
One of my clients came into session with a quiet, simmering truth he had never spoken aloud.
“I think,” he said slowly, “I want to be… ravished. Like…completely taken by the feminine. And I feel embarrassed to share that with my wife.”
He was a devoted, masculine-presenting man—successful, grounded, generous. He loved his partner deeply and often took the lead in bed. But underneath, he carried this unspoken longing: to be the object of her wild hunger. To feel her animal desire unleashed on him.
We began exploring what “ravished” meant in his body. He spoke of craving surrender, of being wanted without needing to perform. Of letting his nervous system soften while she led with fire.
This wasn’t about flipping roles or proving anything—it was about accessing a core feeling he had buried beneath years of conditioning. We worked together to name the emotional current: being devoured, desired, powerless against feminine craving.
Through embodiment and communication coaching, my client eventually shared this with his wife—not as a demand, but as a vulnerable offering: “There’s a part of me that wants to be wanted by you so much it undoes me.”
To his surprise, she didn’t recoil. She leaned in. Slowly, they began creating containers for this play. Sometimes it was primal. Sometimes it was subtle—her pinning his wrists while whispering what she wanted to do to him. But in those moments, Adrian felt something he hadn’t in years:
Alive. Claimed. Free.
And their intimacy, once stuck in autopilot, became a space of continual co-creation—where both of their truths had room to breathe.
A Simple Practice to Understand What You Truly Want in Sex and Intimacy
Try asking yourself:
What do I most long to feel during intimacy?
What conditions help me feel that way?
When have I felt that feeling before? What made it possible?
You might discover that what you crave isn’t what you expected.
This inquiry helps you stop chasing experiences that leave you empty—and start designing ones that nourish you.
Erotic Intelligence: The New Path to Meaningful, Fulfilling Sex
Desire is more than physical sensation—it can be emotional, psychological, and spiritual.
The next time you feel curious about your erotic edges, try starting with this:
“What do I want to feel?”
Let that question shape your choices, your communication, your boundaries, your play.
Because erotic intelligence is emotional intelligence. And when you follow that truth, you don’t just have better sex. You come home to yourself.
Ready to Explore Your Erotic Truth—Together or Solo?
Whether you’re in a partnership longing for deeper connection or navigating your desires on your own, you don’t have to do it alone. I offer 1:1 coaching for individuals and couples ready to explore their erotic landscape with courage, clarity, and emotional depth.
If you’re curious to:
Feel more connected to your body and desire
Communicate your needs with confidence and vulnerability
Create experiences that feel alive, authentic, and deeply satisfying.
Then let’s talk.
Book a free discovery call to explore how we can work together. This is your invitation to stop performing and start living into the intimacy you actually crave.
